whydowefall: (bruce tabloid headline)
The following article appears on the front page, below the fold, of today's final/evening edition of the Gotham Gazette. Mr. Ianto Jones may further notice that while a rumour he was concerned about does in fact appear in today's paper, it's been buried back on page fifteen and given only a brief mention thanks to this apparently newsworthy event.

Troubled Billionaire Escorts Farm Animal to Veterinary Clinic
Former Child Pop Star Accompanies Playboy on Errand of Mercy


The ongoing saga of Gotham's favorite son took yet another strange turn in the wee hours of Sunday morning, when Wayne Enterprises owner Bruce Wayne arrived at an 24-hour animal hospital in Midtown, with a chicken and a late-'90s pop starlet in tow.

Wayne, 31, turned up at the United Emergency Animal Clinic on 52nd Avenue shortly after four o'clock this morning, in the company of former MTV teen star Clarissa Angel, 29. A patron in the waiting room witnessed Wayne enter the facility with the chicken under his arm, and demand that the animal be given any and all treatment necessary, as he feared he had struck the animal with his Lamborghini while driving in a rural area at the county's outskirts. Wayne further reported that he had struck a tree with his car in an effort to avoid the animal.

The same witness reported that while in the waiting room during the animal's examination, Wayne and Angel had a hushed but very heated discussion. Angel was overheard to say, "You woke me up for this?" and "I cannot believe you showed up at my place with a chicken in the car." Later, while Wayne was in an exam room being briefed on the chicken's condition, Angel reportedly complained at length to a staff member about Wayne's appearance at her apartment, an hour after telephoning to arrange a late-night date; he arrived dishevelled and agitated, and insisted he needed her assistance with a medical emergency.

The singer/dancer/reality show star called a cab soon after, abandoning Wayne at the clinic.

A source at the animal clinic, who spoke on condition of anonymity, related that the staff had concerns as to Wayne's condition and sobriety, and that an ambulance was quietly dispatched to the clinic at their request. Wayne submitted to both an examination and a field sobriety test, and was found to be completely sober, and uninjured. His 2008 Lamborghini--reportedly the third one he has purchased this calendar year, following incidents involving an icy suburban road this past January and a police SUV carrying Commissioner James Gordon this past July that left previous cars totalled--had suffered noticeable damage to the left front fender and hood.

The same source reported that the chicken was found to be completely unharmed, but is being kept for observation at Wayne's insistence and expense. There is no word yet on the eventual disposition of the chicken.

This latest incident follows on the heels of many colorful and inexplicable events in Wayne's life: his expulsion from Princeton University, his subsequent seven-year disappearance that led to his being declared legally dead, his erratic behavior at his thirtieth-birthday celebration eighteen months ago, and the fire that destroyed Wayne Manor that same night, rumored to be caused by an intoxicated Wayne himself. Wayne's supporters insist that the wealthy heir is merely a misunderstood man with his heart in the right place, highlighting his efforts and initiatives to improve the city since his return; detractors say incidents like these, coupled with Wayne's tabloid reputation, serve as a distraction from the real issues, and possibly even suggest Wayne has never recovered from the tragic loss of his parents twenty-three years ago.

Telephone calls to Wayne's offices at the Wayne Foundation and Wayne Enterprises seeking comment were not returned.

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Bruce Wayne

May 2014

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