Locked journal entry. [beyondtherift.]

[whydowefall]

[Locked to Alfred Pennyworth, Rachel Dawes, Harvey Dent, and Jason Randall, if he's still around.]

Being here in Chicago is the longest stretch of time that I've just been Bruce Wayne in the last two and a half years. Bruce Wayne. Not the Batman and not "Bruce Wayne". It's been nice, not having to pretend. People either don't know who I am, or already know everything about who I am, thanks to the films and comic books.

But doing what I was doing was such a part of me. It was me if I'm being honest. It gave me purpose and direction that I didn't have before.

I've tried. I've tried to go on living as an ordinary citizen but I've caught myself doing so much contrary to that. I take runs around the city to keep in shape and to learn the geography. I took the job at the junk shop so I could build things. I've been out testing my rift ability with the aim of using it.

I haven't been blind to the news or the events in this city either. I see so much that reminds me--in all the wrong ways--of Gotham. And now this crucifixion.

I can't turn away anymore.

I think I may need to find a way to go back to doing what I did before. I think the Batman needs to make a return. I guess that means I'll have to start over, start like I did two and a half years ago back in Gotham.

I figured I at least owed all of you a heads-up about it. And the opportunity to offer any advice, insights, or invective you may have on the matter.

I doubt I'll be talked out of it. Fair warning.

Comments

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

Chicago reminds me of all that is wrong with Gotham, too. Which means it's all the more important we take a stand against this senseless act of violence. We can't sit back in silence or give into their fear tactics. Just because it isn't Gotham doesn't make us any less responsible in terms of helping. We can help and do it honorably.

In part, I understand your missing what was such a big part of you. Being unable to take initiative as an ADA the way I could have back home - I miss that part of me fiercely, as well.

On an intellectual level I'll never be able to agree with what you do.

But I respect the courage it takes. I understand how necessary it is.

You're doing what you believe in your heart to be the right thing.

Surprisingly or no, I won't be the one to try and talk you out of it.

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that, Rachel. It... can't have been easy, before, watching someone you were so close to choose this kind of life. You and I, I think, share a gift for seeing the bigger picture, the greater good. And of being able to accept that that greater good frequently requires sacrifices.

I respect your inability to accept this on an intellectual level. It's only fair. I can't think of anyone who'd be all right with someone they loved taking on this kind of life.

I thank you for granting me respect in return, and supporting what I want--what I need--to do.

[rattle-thecages.livejournal.com]

You never have to thank me for that.

No, it wasn't. Coming to grips with the fact Gotham needed someone like Batman wasn't easy, but it wasn't any easier knowing the boy I grew up with needed him, too. Always will. But this isn't about me.

We do share that in common. It does require sacrifices, it requires risk but if we don't do anything, if we ignore what's been done we risk so much more. What we've tried to achieve, it comes with a price and we're both aware of it.

I'll do my part.

It's always been your choice, Bruce. And I know it isn't a decision you've come to lightly. It weighs heavily. I meant what I said that day we first met. You'll have me as a friend, right to the very end.

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Rachel. And likewise.

Here's hoping that end is later rather than sooner.

[gothamshope.livejournal.com]

I'm going to try to say this rationally and honestly. I don't know if it'll do any good, but it's worth a try.

Chicago does have similarities to Gotham. Similarities I don't quite like, since it needs to be said. If I think about it rationally, I would say that Chicago does need a Batman. It needs to be cleaned up. I would help, if I could. I'd like to. But you and I both know that can't happen. Do what you have to do, Bruce.

I can't promise that Twoface won't have anything to say about this. I can't promise that I -- that he won't do anything, because I don't know. But at least if he does, you'll be able to do something about it.

There, that was mostly rational. I hope.

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

It was never anything I could tell you before, Harvey, because back home in Gotham I had to play "Bruce Wayne" and he didn't hold those kinds of opinions. But I always believed you were the best, brightest hope for our city. I thought that you could lead us into being the city we needed to be, and that you could do it legally, within the acceptable frameworks.

But I suppose, in a city where people are crucified and left in public parks, the acceptable frameworks aren't really enough. Not yet.

You may not be able to help now. But it's my wish that when the times comes that you can, you do.

I'm going to hope Twoface has nothing to say about this, and will do nothing later. I'm going to have faith in you, and hope you can keep him at bay. And I'm going to offer my help, in any way I can, in that effort. Anything at all you need, if I can help, I will. I don't know how much water that promise holds considering our relationship up to now has been based on me deceiving you and the rest of our city, but I do mean it, and I offer it all the same.

That was very rational. You were always a voice for rationality, for fairness, and for right, back in Gotham. I hope you continue to be so here, and I hope I can continue to count on your insight, should I need it.

[gothamshope.livejournal.com]

There's not much I can say to that except thank you. I wish I could have done what you hoped for. It's what Gotham needed.

I'll try my best. I don't normally like saying this, but since you're one of the only ones who knows -- it's easier, here. To be just me, I mean.

Thank you, again. Hopefully that will be enough, but I have to admit I'm cynical. It's more than enough to know that you'll help if it's needed. For some reason I find myself trusting you. Might be Rachel's fault.

If you want my insight, you're certainly welcome to it. Can't promise how coherent I'll be, but it's something, anyway.

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

It wasn't you, Harvey. It was Gotham. It can take even the best of us and undermine everything we're trying to do. It's a lesson I never forgot.

I'm glad it's easier for you here. It has been for me, too, though I'm sure that's about to change.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was Rachel's fault. She's a very persuasive woman, and very strong in her convictions. For what it's worth, I trust you too.

[Locked]

[eelseason]

...I have to say I'm a bit surprised to be getting this. Not that I doubt you'd have formed some suspicions about what I was or wasn't, but there's a bit of a jump between pegging someone as a nonlocal and deciding to confide in them. You've no idea if I might have an agenda that runs counter to yours.

But I suppose if there is damage to be done by letting me see this, it's already been done.


I'm not sure exactly what I can say, except that if it's that deep in you, you wouldn't be able to stand down even if you were convinced to. Old agents never die, you know; they just go underground.

Fighting the visible expressions of ugliness in this city – in any place, really – is treating the symptoms of a disease force can never cure. You're looking at a war which can never be won. All you're ever going to do is buy time for the people who can fix the world, if you think the world can be fixed. Far enough down that road, you have to put a lot of yourself in outside storage because it won't survive what you'd put it through. Put your faith in humanity away in the people around you, let them carry the life you wish you had, find someone to hold the innocence you lost, get someone to tie down your ideals, and hope they never vanish or those parts of you will, too. And at the point when you're still fighting and those things you're fighting for are gone, it's not far to becoming worse than what you're fighting against.

That's always been the threat. There's never been a vigilante power who hasn't frightened people as much as they protect them. Just by existing outside law, by imposing one man's will on a multitude, even if it's a multitude of crooks and criminals, you help take apart the security you're working to ensure.

Sometimes you have to do damage to do a little bit of good, but the kind of person who can stomach that can't turn back from it. The kind of person who makes makes it their first recourse in navigating the world is changed indelibly forever.

So I suppose my advice would be to take a hard look at what you're trying to protect, here. Get your anchors firmly in place, and give up what you need to. And find someone who can understand that one day they may have to stop you.


Beyond that, there are people in the city who can help you, if you're not worried about anonymity. Elashte may or may not have a plan of his own for this city, but last I checked he does want security against the kind of crime you fight. Torchwood was always meant to protect from the shadows, and if you're looking for technology, you couldn't find better mechanists. If what I've seen is any indication, Martha Jones is beginning to pull wanderers and supernatural locals together into something resembling legitimacy. There are some ways, at least, in which you might not be alone.


Good luck.

[Locked]

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, Mr. Randall--I'm aware that's not likely to be your true name, but I don't know any other name by which to address you, nor would I presume to demand one--you have to trust in other people, even if they may have an agenda.

I'm also not without one myself. Alfred, Rachel, Harvey, they can all advise me based on me, my own needs, and the parallels they can draw between Gotham and Chicago. I needed the insights of someone who could actually tell me about this city, rather than all about myself. You've done that admirably, and I thank you for your input.

I think anonymity is a luxury of the past. A good third to half the people I've introduced myself to since arriving--yourself included, I gathered from our brief conversation--have recognized me as the Batman's alter ego. I'm also without the resources I had back in Gotham, so having to align myself with some organization or individual in order to have access to supplies, armaments, technology--that seems a given. I don't relish the idea of trying to go it alone with a homemade suit and bits and bobs cobbled together from Lynn's shop.

You raise valid points about working outside the law and how that can undermine the things I work to protect, in ways, and about being the sort of man who makes violence and damage a way of life. I made my peace with those ideas years ago. I've long since accepted that the life of most is not the life for me. And I put my faith in those other people, to let them live their lives, to let them eventually do the work that will fix our city.

I understand I'm just stalling for time until someone else can make things better. I've never been under any illusions that this is a war I'll win at all, let win alone. All I ever wanted was to be a symbol, to try to inspire the right people and hold back the wrong ones until things could be repaired, our city renewed.

It sounds as if Torchwood might be the best bet, if I'm to enjoy the same wealth of resources to which I'd accustomed myself in Gotham, and if I'm to continue to enjoy working in the shadows. I may have abandoned hope of total anonymity, but that doesn't mean I'll grow comfortable working in daylight or out in the open. Any thoughts on who I might contact there, to open discussions?

[Locked]

[eelseason]

Even the CLF think they're working for the greater good. Even I did.

If you want to be proper and contact Torchwood Command, that'd be Gwen Cooper and Sam Tyler. If you wanted to go straight for the person who might understand this the best, and who might not question your motives if they heard that I sent you over, I'd recommend Suzie Costello. Either way.

[Locked]

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

Everything is relative, I suppose.

Thank you for the information. I'll think it over and decide whether I want to be official or understood.

Best of luck to you, whatever you're into now.

[apennyworth.livejournal.com]

I have absolutely no intention of attempting to talk you out of anything, Sir.

After the recent news, well. I, too, see parallels I wish I did not.

I believe I understand, to some degree. While I am certain there were some difference in our homes, some things shall remain the same. Of that, I have no doubt. There is a heart within a city, and there are those who are the caretakers of that heart.

Whatever the motives were in the beginning, there are also these things that remain.

If you feel this is your purpose, you have my support.

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

That's a very eloquent way of putting it, Alfred. A city having a heart. I think this city, much like Gotham, has had its heart broken one too many times. It needs some relief, someone to protect that heart so it can heal.

Thank you. I shudder to think what would become of me if I had to do this without you.

[apennyworth.livejournal.com]

Yes. I believe the city is blessed, indeed, to have such a well-suited protector in it's midst. I shall do my best to remain yours. Understanding the workings of darkness is a trial, and it is a gift.

I assure you, Sir, that as long as it is within my power, I shall never leave your side.

You are stronger than you think, Master Bruce. While I hope you never have to discover how much so, I know it.

[why-dowefall.livejournal.com]

Nor I yours, Alfred, if it's at all within my power.

Thank you. But all the strength I have, I owe to my upbringing, and the man behind it.